To be Continued (41-60)

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Hide and Seek

Jessica is still behind the door. She’s relaxed but listening, her fingers in the belt loops of her jeans. Her breathing is calm and regular. The cupboard is dark and she can’t see her watch. She’s not sure how long she’s been in there. She is alert and keen and she’s 10. She stretches her arms out towards either walls of the cupboard. She can touch them. Was that a noise? She tenses, her breath still, her eye on the long strip beneath the door. But the silence turns into nothing. Has she been waiting an hour already? More? Less? She presses her fingers against the door and eases it open just a crack. There’s no light on, no sound. She coughs gently, in case someone is hiding. She pushes the cupboard door further; it lolls open. Hello? she murmurs. Silence. She walks out further until she is fully in the centre of the room. She looks behind the chair and the settee. It’s dark outside. She walks out onto the landing and presses the light switch. It doesn’t work. She feels invisible. She hears the hum of the security light in the garden but that runs off a generator. She turns his head and looks at the halogen speckle on the window. She feels really invisible. The house is silent, her breathing is even. They’ve gone, she thinks, everyone has gone and left me. Thump. Downstairs, she hears a sound at the back door. Crash. Her heart pounds but she takes two steps down the stairs. She listens to the air around her, his ears straining. It’s dark but she can see a dark shape moving down there in the dark. Who are you, she whispers in the dark. The dark shape freezes. I am the last girl, she says. Who are you? I am the last girl.

20.1.16

Unconfined

Girl is still behind the door. Her parents are relaxed about it they say but the way mum winds her fingers in and out of each other, you can't be sure Mum's breathing is calm and regular but she knows the cupboard is dark. She looks at her watch and asks Dad how long Girl’s been in there. Dad looks up and says ten minutes. It's not ten minutes, she says, I don't know why I ask you. She stretches her arms out in a yawn and she wants to go to the cupboard but the doctor says to leave Girl be. Was that a noise? She tenses, her breath still, her eye on the long strip beneath the door. But the noise is nothing. It's been over an hour already. More? Less? She brushes her fingers against the door as she goes by. She coughs gently, in case Girl is listening. The door opens a crack. There's no light on in there. The cupboard door opens further until it's lolling open. Hello? says mum. Girl walks out silently until she is fully in the centre of the room. She looks at the chair and the settee but does not sit down. It’s dark outside. She walks out onto the landing and Mum follows her but it's like she's invisible to Girl. Mum watches her go downstairs and she hears the hum of the security light in the garden. She turns her head and says, darling, she's in the garden now. Dad doesn't reply. She feels really invisible now. The house is silent, she can hear nothing but her own breathing. Has she gone, she thinks, has she gone and left me? Scream. She hears a sound in the garden Scream (again) Her heart pounds and she takes the steps two at a time. She looks out into the dark, her eyes straining. Where are you, she whispers. Girl answers from the dark. Bury me, I'm dead already.

21.1.16

Holiday

They think the girl is still behind them. Her parents are relaxing with each other and mum sometimes waggles her fingers out behind her which means stay with us please. It’s only when it starts getting dark that mum turns to Dad and she looks at her watch and says when did you last see our girl? Dad looks up and says ten minutes ago. Ten minutes, she says? He stretches his arms out in a yawn and says he can go up to the room if she wants. But mum says she’s probably gone up to sleep leave her be. There is a noise at the moment the girl dies that they don’t notice. Mum has her eye on the long clear water of the pool. Ten minutes? It's been over an hour already. She runs her fingers through her hair and she goes up to the room. She knocks gently, in case the girl is sleeping. She opens the door a crack. There's no light on in there. She opens the door wide and walks into the room. Hello? says mum. She looks at the bed and in the bathroom but the girl’s not there. It’s dark beyond the picture windows. Mum steps out into the corridor but there’s no one to be seen. Mum runs downstairs, her blood humming in her head now and asks at reception for Security. Dad comes over and she tells him she’s not in their room. Dad doesn't reply, he doesn’t know where she is does he? The concierge watches in silence. Mum can hear nothing but her own breathing. Has she gone, she asks, has she gone off somewhere? Screams. That’s not going to help, love. I’m sure she’s just wandered off. Screams. Her heart races and she runs back out to the pool. She looks out into the dark, her eyes straining. Where are you, she whispers. She’s probably getting an ice cream says Dad over her shoulder but he’s wrong.

22.1.16

Vacation

They think the boy is still behind them. His parents are relaxing with each other and dad sometimes waggles his fingers out behind him which means stay with us please. It’s only when it starts getting dark that dad turns to mum and he looks at his watch and says when did you last see our boy? Mum looks up and says ten minutes ago. Ten minutes, he says? She stretches her arms out in a yawn and says she can go up to the room if he wants. But dad says he’s probably gone up to sleep leave him be. There is a noise at the moment the boy dies that they don’t notice. Dad has his eye on the long clear water of the pool. Ten minutes? It's been over an hour already surely. He runs his fingers through his hair and he goes up to the room. He knocks gently, in case the boy is sleeping. He opens the door a crack. There's no light on in there. He opens the door wide and walks into the room. Hello? says dad. He looks at the bed and in the bathroom but the boy’s not there. It’s dark beyond the picture windows. Dad steps out into the corridor but there’s no one to be seen. Dad runs downstairs, his blood humming in his head now and asks at reception for Security. Mum comes over and he tells her he’s not in their room. Mum doesn't reply, she doesn’t know where he is does she? The concierge watches in silence. Dad can hear nothing but his own breathing. Has he gone, he asks, has he gone off somewhere? Screams. That’s not going to help, love. I’m sure he’s just wandered off. Screams. His heart races and he runs back out to the pool. He looks out into the dark, his eyes straining. Where are you, he whispers. He’s probably getting an ice cream says Mum over her shoulder but she’s wrong.

23.1.16

Trial

They both think the boy is behind them. His parents are arguing with each other in the kitchen and dad sometimes reaches his hand out across the table which means stay with me please. It’s late when dad turns to mum and looks at his watch and asks if she's checked on our son. Mum looks up and says our son? My son. He stretches out his hands towards her and says, don't start this you have to let me see him. Mum says says he’s probably gone to sleep I'll go check on him. Dad asks if he can do it instead. He begs, really. Just this once, he says keeping calm, running his fingers through his hair. Mum says okay, she has her eye on a cool bottle of beer in the fridge. Dad goes up to the room. He knocks gently, in case the boy is sleeping. He opens the door a crack. There's no light on in there. He opens the door wide and walks into the room. Hello? says dad. He looks at the outline of the boy, his boy, in the bed. The windows are dark. Dad kneels down by the bed and asks if the kid's asleep. Yes I'm fast asleep, says the boy. Dad laughs. I heard what you and mum were talking about, says the boy. Dad says there's nothing to worry about, it's boring mummy and daddy talk. I don't want you to get divorced, he says. Dad's heart lurches. He tries to explain. He explains that sometimes these things happen. He explains that they still love him very much. He explains that he'll see them both all the time. He explains that now he'll have two birthdays won't that be fun. Blood is humming in Dad's head, he doesn't feel like he's saying these words, more like hearing himself say them. Mum comes to the door and he tells her he’s just finishing up without looking at her. Mum doesn't reply. The boy watches in silence and he knows this is it for ever. He can hear Dad's breathing. It's gone, it's all gone for ever. Screams. Dad doesn't know what to do, stands, sits, looks round. Screams. His heart races and he backs away from the boy. What are you doing to him, says Mum coming in. Dad explains in confusion. You've probably scared him, she says, holding her boy.

24.1.16

Bla bla bla

They both think it’s behind them. They’re talking to each other in the kitchen and she waves her hand airily to mean bla bla bla. It’s only later when he turns to her and asks her what she meant by that. She looks up and frowns. By what? He raises his hand and waves it and says, you did this gesture and you said bla bla bla. She says it means what it means bla bla bla like et cetera. He says yes but you were talking about a sales conference in Bochum and the drinks in the evening so I just wondered what you meant. He is keeping calm, scratching the label off a bottle of beer with his nail. She looks at him and says it was a while ago and goes up to their room. Later he knocks gently, in case she is sleeping. He opens the door quietly. There's no light on in there. He turns off the hall light and enters the room. Hey, she says sleepily. He looks at the outline of his wife in the bed. The windows are dark. He kneels down by her and says what did you mean bla bla bla. Seriously? she says. This again? I just wondered what you were talking about, he says. She says it’s nothing, it's boring work stuff. I don't want to talk about it. His heart stiffens. He says he loves her and she says it back. He explains that he's in a funny mood. He’ll be over it in the morning. Blood is humming in Dad's head as he lies there. He doesn't feel like he's saying these words, more like hearing himself say them. She falls asleep beside him without him once looking at her. She can hear her breathing deepen. It's gone, he thinks, it's all gone for ever. Inside he is screaming. He doesn't know what to do, he looks round at the dark room. His stiff heart screams quietly. What were you doing? he whispers to her. She sleeps vaguely.

25.1.16

Goalmouth Collision

They both think it’s behind them as they run back towards goal. But it’s Conzula on the ball and they’re looking at each other so they don’t see him jink round them as they turn and see an empty pitch and know that they have fucked up massively and Scott raises his hand and waves it as if to say we need some help down here even though they are the help that was needed and they both make a diving run hoping to block somehow the shot that will come in inevitably come in and they know it’s useless but they do it anyway it’s just a gesture and the ball loops up and down and they clash heads in the goalmouth as it bounces drolly into the net.
   She says it means what it means, I'm tired He says yes but you wanted to go shopping in Bochum and have drinks with the guys so I just wondered what you meant. He is keeping calm, scratching the label off a bottle of beer with his nail. She looks at him and says she’s changed her mind and goes up to their room. Later he knocks gently, in case she is sleeping. He opens the door quietly. There's no light on in there. He turns off the hall light and enters the room. Hey, she says sleepily. He looks at the outline of his girlfriend in the bed. The windows are dark. He kneels down by her and says I thought you wanted to go shopping in Bochum.
   She says she doesn’t want to talk about it. He stiffens. He says he loves her and she says it back. He kisses her and says he’s going out. Blood is humming in his head as he hits the bar. He’s talking but he doesn’t feel like he’s saying anything, more like hearing himself say them. Some Boca Juniors fans are shouting something across the room but he doesn’t look at them. He keeps breathing, talking, drinking. It's gone, he thinks, it's all gone for ever. Inside he is screaming. He doesn't know what to do, he looks round at the dark room. Scott’s heart screams quietly: Conzula was behind us.

26.1.16